Monday, April 27, 2009

The creamed corn episode

I've always been a picky eater. It drove my mom BANANAS when she had to cook for me and I'd refuse to eat whatever it was.

I was a natural vegetarian- never cared for any kind of meat that I could identify as having been an animal. Hot dogs and pepperoni were fine, chicken and steak was not. It was a total mental sickfest in my head when I tried to eat meat. Gross.

Mom was always having to feed my sister and I simple foods- my sister refused to eat anything that tasted weird and I refused to eat meat, squash, brussels sprouts, mushrooms, and any kind of squash. I still do. And she still does too. Funny how some things never change.

So, mom went shopping one time when I was about 4 or 5 and accidentally picked up some creamed corn instead of the regular stuff that we loved. She felt bad that she had gotten the wrong thing, but figured she'd still try to get us to eat it. She was a single mom, trying to raise 2 kids on a tiny income and it's all she could do to keep food on the table, much less go get another can of corn because we weren't interested in the one she already bought.

My sister and I saw the messy mush of corn on our plates and pitched a fit. My sister gave in and ate hers, but I couldn't do it. It was mushy. And looked gross. And the goddamned trusty cat was not waiting for my food droppings under the table this night (he was soooo fat from hanging out with me at the table!).

I sat. And stared at the hallway. And didn't eat my corn. Mom lost it a little and went off about how unappreciative I am and yeah. I was. And I wasn't eating her fucking creamed corn.

She got up and tried to feed it to me, in one of those frantic "WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS BRATTY ASSHOLE CHILD" moments. It wasn't happening- I was a bratty asshole child and would not open my mouth to eat the stupid creamed corn. So mom did what any frazzled and crazy mother would do- she shoved an entire spoonful up my nose.

Creamed corn. In my nostril.

I have no idea what happened after that- she probably felt like a jerk and washed me up and sent me to bed. And now, looking back, I can laugh about it. I can only imagine how pissed off she had to be to actually shove creamed corn up my nose. I hope I am not cursed with a child as assholey as I was.


Rassles said...

I've always been a fan of like, all veggies ever. But my sister was a picky little brat, and I would get all annoyed that she got special meals, and I always ate what i was given, regardless of whether I liked it or not.

And now I'm hungry.

Your mom sounds excellent.

Le Meems said...

My ex boyfriends name was creamed corn because he LOVEd it. This post reminded me to go delete phone numbers in my phone like" Creamed Corn Dad, Creamed Corn Mom, Creamed Corn Office, Creamed Corn Cabin.

Aaah much better.

Also Creamed Corn is sick nasty.

Del-V said...

Creamed corn is only good in recipes. And yes, you will get a kid worse than you. It’s karma.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You must really dislike squash.

My wife is terribly picky. It's annoying. I've worked on expanding the children's horizons when it comes to foodstuffs. Since my parents never really did this for me, I feel as if I'm some kind of good parent.

Yeah, I almost got that last part out without laughing. Almost.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

Rassles, Kids should be treated equally whenever possible. It makes them like each other better. My mom must have known this at some level.

Meems, Good job. You don't need ucky contacts bogging you down.

Del-V, Effing Karma! I know. I'm going to need some valium. For the kid. Not me. Well, maybe me too.

MJenks, I was wondering why you said that... yeah- it's there twice. But seriously- what are fools doing, bringing me zucchini and eggplant when I said NO SQUASH? They don't know their vegetables! And yeah- it's good to expand horizons early so that they can appreciate complicated tastes later in life. LeMeems (commented above) blogged about this recently. So I know.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I was the same way about Cream of Wheat!!! LOL

I hated that stuff.

Scotty said...


The Ambiguous Blob said...

Tee, but have you ever tried it up your nose? Might go down easier.

Scotty, Yes. Yes, she did.

sista #2 said...

Cream corn is just horrid.

I never made my spawn eat it but I did make them eat meatloaf.