This is off to a great start

I met this guy at a friend's wedding recently and we got along great. He made me laugh. He asked me to dinner the next week. Cool!

We had dinner, he KILLED me with laughter. I seriously had to stop laughing at one point because I was about to pee myself and that just wouldn't be ladylike.

He travels for work a lot and told me he was going on a trip to Lake Tahoe this week. Poor fella was sick with the flu over the weekend, so I sent him a text on my way home from work last night. And so began one of the strangest text conversations I've ever had.

Tabbie: Hope you're feeling better & enjoying your "work", funny man.

Him: Air is thin

(Tahoe is up in the mountains. Okayyy...?)

Tabbie: Yeah. Go to an oxygen bar. It makes a world of difference especially if you're drinking.

Him: My job promotes drinking yeah

Tabbie: Dude then take my advice & go breathe pure oxygen so u don't do a crappy job of drinking for work!

Him: Heart beats harder

(WTF)

Tabbie: That could just be all the excitement

Him: I like it warm

Tabbie: What?

Him: Altitude

Tabbie: U like warm altitude?

Him: I like it warm

Tabbie: Well, this is an odd conversation.

Him: Its the drinking abd altitude

Tabbie: Whoa drunk by 7. Good work!

Him: Good time

(so I thought that was the end, but at 12:54 am...)

Him: Oh

(so strange... right? I sent this one back at 5 this morning)

Tabbie: Random Oh in the night? Hmmm

(then at just past 7am)

Him: Pain

Tabbie: Drink some water take an aspirin and go back to sleep

Him: The best hangover remedy is sex

Tabbie: So have sex. Duh.

Him: Ya there are no soft women here, my profession still has a lot of males

Tabbie: Bummer. Maybe u should try to handle it urself

Him: I know. It is happy right now

Him: Say something dirty

Tabbie: R u still drunk?

Him: Yep

Him: Dirty birdy

Tabbie: Ah. That explains a lot. OMG.

Him: Sex is a good thingy

Tabbie: Ummmm yeah

Him: I think sex with you would be a good thingy, you look soft

Him: It would

Tabbie: Wow. U may want to consider sleeping this one off. Not that I disagree about sex with me being a good thingy.

Him: Sweet, I'm trying to but need to handle myself first

Tabbie: good luck

Him: Nice

(and several minutes later)

Him: Pain

Tabbie: You're repeating yourself, drunky.

Him: No, I was coming full circle

Tabbie: Oh

Him: Ya

He's joining me for a friend's birthday party on Friday night. I wonder if he's crazy or just REALLY REALLY wasted. Miss M, please give me a breakdown of what you think of him? Of course, he may get REALLY REALLY wasted at your party too and then we may never know.

Rans

Again, my subject line won't change. Fine, subject line. You win.

In other news, random texts from recent hours:

I have a boomerang.

Exactly, very safe cept for rope burn.

I ran into ur twin in SF today. You are the evil one.

Bye bye baby, see u on the rebound!

Who are you and what did you do with my sister?

Are you back from that awful hippie event?

Have a stick-on bra, size c. C ya soon.

Somebody stop me

The iPhone really needs a breathalyzer application.

I have a few drinks and send texts and emails that would make even Snoop Dog blush. Jesus, what the hell happens in my brain that I think it's okay to have that shit in writing?

Dang.