Monday, August 10, 2009


Yesterday after church, I went to see a psychic.

Yeah, so now I guess that was a strange course of events. Anyhow, it's just how I do things... I never know what the hell I'm going to do from one minute to the next.

I've seen the psychic just once before and she was dead-on about things. Things I doubted heavily until a few weeks after I saw her and stuff started to happen just like she said it would. So I thought it's been a couple months-I wonder what she'll say now.

First, my home life is uncomfortable and the negativity there is unhealthy. Well, yeah. Very uncomfortable lately. But I already knew that. Next, I don't need to worry about finances. Hey lady, I'm thinking- I don't have a job- just like you told me I wouldn't last time! She was not deterred. There is a business I'm working on developing and it will blossom just as it should. I don't see how in the timeframe I'd need it to, but okay. I'll half believe that for now.

There is also a love in my life. A pesky, impossible love that I keep trying to get rid of. She assured me that it will not go away. Well, fuck. But it's so impossible and he's so unattainable and it's really just a silly fantasy. I tried explaining this to the psychic and she quietly listened before disagreeing with me. Fuck.

I'm too karmically negative for things to go my way right now, she says. Too many connections to past experiences. If I continue this way, I will not move forward in a positive way. I may have temporary success. I may be okay with my living situation, find a great job, a new love, but I will inevitably sabotage it all. I think- if past experience is any indication of the future, well... That sounds about right.

And then... Out of the blue... I'll be pregnant by the end of next year. My eyes went wild and my flight response tried to take over. I don't even have a boyfriend! No prospects, no job, no fucking WAY can I have a baby in 2011. But wait... I think- that's still a long way off. Calm down, you.

But what now? I have to clear out my karmic mess and get on track to great success. The lasting kind. So I paid the lady a hefty sum and she's going to work with me and several of her psychic best friends to set me up all fresh and clean. She said this must be done now so that my next adventure in September will not rain down in a great mess. I didn't even tell her about my planned camping trip in September that I'm incredibly worried/excited about.

Phew. I hope this shit works and that my babydaddy is prepared to meet me. Fuck.


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I kind of spliced the last few words of the post together, with comic results.

Where you said "...and I hope my babydaddy is prepared to meet me. Fuck." I read it as "...and I hope my babydaddy is prepared to fuck me."

My's a wasteland.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

Ah, but I like the way you think.

Del-V said...

If you need any help getting pregnant, I'll meet you.

Bob Dobalina said...

Bibo shan't be denied.

Rassles said...

The one time I saw a psychic, she freaked out when she met me and told me I was an interdimensional traveller and that I was going to save the world.

Has yet to happen.

TC said...

If you get pregnant by year's end, you wont' have a baby in 2011, you'll have it in 2010 :)

The Ambiguous Blob said...

Del-V, very kind offer. But do you have the resources to deal with a dainty lady like me AND a baby? Let's discuss by the end of next year.

BobD, Bibo is imminent and omnipresent.

Rassles, was there a timeframe, I wonder?

TC, it's the end of NEXT year though!