Wednesday, June 10, 2009

let's talk about tact: Then/Now

Resurrected post from 1 year ago today:

My grandfather passed away in the early hours this morning.
Know how I found out?
A text message from my aunt.
I was prepared for this news, but who fucking sends a text to announce a family member's death?
Then, not 20 minutes later, I got a text from my dad- grandpa is gone.
And I thought... Did anyone in this family learn anything about tact-Ever???
As I was steaming about that, my dad calls.
He apologized for waking me, but not for sending that message by text. What an ass. After I asked if he was okay and he confirmed that yes he was, we were very thankfully done talking. (FYI I'm not a fan of my dad)

Seriously, texting death messages?? There is a time and place for texts. This isn't it. Assholes.

And a new take:

It's been a year now. My grandfather was the only constant male figure that I looked up to throughout my life. He was kind and generous and FUNNY and cuddly and patient and so so intelligent.

He was a thorasic cardiovascular surgeon and the president of a mormon temple and a dedicated gardener. A very busy man. He always and forever made time for his family and showered us with love. He taught me how to play well with others and to respect people from all cultures, no matter what differing views we have.

Three days after he passed, my grandmother fell in her front yard. She broke her shoulder. Along with her mental anguish, she was in terrible pain and couldn't do much at all for herself.

She had a complete breakdown. Her docs prescribed some pain killers, antidepressants, and valium for her. She cried all day and all night- hardly sleeping because her best friend from the time she was in 5th grade was gone.

My aunt and uncle recently rescued her from a pit of despair and checked her into a hospital. She transferred out to a convalescent home about a week later. She is in physical and mental rehabilitation and finally feels human and ready to live again. Tonight, they're taking her out to dinner- to celebrate grandpa's life and to close the book on grandma's deep mourning.

As soon as she is capable of living on her own again, they'll take her home and set her up with a maid/cook 3 times a week to make sure she has every chance possible to relax and to meet up with the other widows in her area. She knows of 30 just off the top of her head.

Seeing my grandma go through this after the loss of her husband scares the shit out of me. What if I end up giving my heart to someone and they're gone one day. Ouch. I can't imagine how much it hurts.

Grandpa, I hope you've found peace.


TC said...

Awww, *hugs*

I'm sorry about your Grandpa. And you're right: they should have called.

Grant Miller said...

I'm not sure leaving a blog comment is much better, but I'm very sorry for your loss. Seriously. Best wishes.

.Nicotine.Queen. said...

I highly agree. I'm sorry, hun. I know this doesn't compare, but I found out my dog died through my sister's status on facebook.

Mike said...

Sad to hear about your grandfather. Text messaging the next great frontier in not dealing with the subject.

Scotty said...

Sorry to hear about your grandpa Tabbie.. hope you're doing ok over there..

Ginormous Boobs said...

Honestly, this seems like EXACTLY the thing your dad would do.

He's such an effing DB.

Your aunt should know better.

ladyjaye82 said...

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Slyde said...

im sorry, sweetie.... thanks very sad. But it sounded from past posts like you had a great relationship with your granddad, and thats really the best thing in the world... i know it is for me and mine...

NIfty when I'm Fifty said...

Oh man, that is terrible.
But n the bright side (if there is one) since you hate talking to your dad, the text did save you a few extra seconds of convo.

I am so sorry for the void, that will be present, with your grandfather gone now.

When, Le Photographer's grandmother passed away I saw up close how fast life shoots on by.

So take this, loss, as an add, and seize what you want and go for it, girl. We only have such a short time here on this magical land.

Jay said...

Very sorry about your grandfather.

Hey, at least your family contacted you. When my uncle died last year, and then just a month ago when my cousin's 8 year old grandson drowned I had to read about it in the paper. Yes, the local paper. As in we all live right here in the same area? Hello?

Anyway, condolences Tabbie.

Bob Dobalina said...

I'm very sorry for your loss. My good thoughts and love to you and your family.

jo said...

i'm sorry bout your grandfather. how are you holding up? hope you're okay...

B.E. Earl said...

Texting should be left for "where you at"'s and "how you doing"'s. Never for something like this.

So sorry for your loss.

the princess said...

so sorry to hear about your grandfather's passing. i am also so sorry about your having to find out through a text message. no tact! hugs and more hugs

Suze's Sass said...

I think people get a little carried away with technology. A phone call definitely was warranted in this case.

I'm so sorry about your grandpa. Hugs to you Tabbie.

NWO said...

I guess this proves that love is not just 1's & 0's. He must be happy to know you care so much. Grieve, and carry on, I'm sorry about your pain.

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Girl I am so in agreement with you on this.

nwtrunner said...

Sorry to hear about your grandfather's death Tabbie.

I've never used text messaging (or even a cell phone), but it sure doesn't seem an appropriate way to let people close to someone know that someone has passed away.

Big hug to you.

pistols at dawn said...

I found out a friend is getting engaged via a facebook status message, but that's slightly more breezy than death notices.

I've usually found that in times of difficulty, people let you know whether they're worth counting on or not, and in that sense, I'm sorry for both losses.

5 of 9er said...

Wow... I guess you cannot rearrange the letter in text to spell tact. You are right on the nose with this one.

Sending hugs your way.

Le Meems said...

Oh honey, it hurts still. I so sorry.

Isn't it amazing how magic time is though? Time heals and smooths and unruffles the feathers.

god bless you.

Kimberly said...

I hope your family has and is still finding wishes to you.

A Free Man said...

That's how it works, I'm afraid. You've got to climb out on a limb in a relationship - but everything out there. At some point it breaks, but all the time you spend out there is worth it.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

It is inconserate to relay such an event via text message. I am wishing all the best for your grandma. It seems she is really in need of prayer and help right now.. Thank goodness she has all of you.