Holiday Cheers.

It's been about 8 years since I have celebrated Christmas.

I'm not Christian and just find it weird to celebrate the birth of the savior of people who believe in this great myth. It actually upsets me that people are so excited to celebrate a holiday that was adapted from another mythology by a bunch of evil rulers many years ago as a way to control the actions of the population.

I find Christianity to be hypocritical- why put so much faith in a religious figure who was kind, gentle, generous, able to accept the ultimate punishment for expressing love and unity - and then wage bloody, cruel wars in that same figure's name? Why persecute all who didn't hold the same beliefs and values? It goes against logic and upsets me that the people practicing Christianity rarely recognize this.

But I'm over being upset about this. In a world that is in constant turmoil because of religious clashes, I have accepted that this is not isolated to Christianity. It is not isolated, even, to this century. Since time immemorial, people have needed something bigger, greater, more powerful and mysterious than themselves to believe in. It gives them hope and that is an incredibly comforting emotion.

So fine. I'm glad these people have hope. And that they can remind themselves of the hope by hanging bright lights from dead pine trees and baking gingerbread cookies and giving each other fancily-wrapped presents. I'm glad that during this time of year, people are reminded that they should offer to help strangers and give money to charities.

Earlier this year, I decided not to despise this holiday anymore. My roommates and I got a tree and we spent hours and many dollars shopping and decorating. We hung bright, beautiful lights on our balcony and put a Santa hat on a life-size skeleton that hangs off the same balcony, just over our front door.

I went to San Francisco in a Santa costume to party with hundreds of other people in similar dress. I bartended and played Dance Dance Revolution at an office party. I even bought a few ridiculously funny presents for one of my roommates during our decoration shopping spree.

This feels much more lovely than in previous years, where I had to take a vacation in order to distance myself from these kinds of festivities. People are giving me booze and bath salts and cookies, for crying out loud. And I'm thankful for it. Mostly for the booze.

We're having Christmas dinner at our beach house with family and friends. I'm going to insist on a prayer before dinner. It just seems like the right thing to do.

Strangers and Hugs

Last night, I hugged a homeless crack head on the sidewalk in Oakland late at night.

I had been drinking a tiny bit inside the bar with a couple of friends when I needed some fresh air (I lie. I was smoking. Wasted drunk and smoking to be very clear.), so I stepped outside and the bouncer followed me.

This homeless dude came up to me and asked if I could spare any money. I was like- all I have is this iPhone, this cigarette, and this lighter. But then I checked my pocket and had TWO DOLLARS! I passed it over to the man and wished him a good night.

The bouncer who was guarding me shook his head. He asked where I'm from. Obviously not a local, huh? I was being a bit too sweet to the crackhead homeless dudes for his taste.

To make his job of guarding me more difficult, another homeless crackhead came over and asked me for money. (Oakland is kind of ghetto in most areas, by the way) I told this new guy that I had just given ALL of my TWO DOLLARS away to the last guy. But then I said- you know what?

I'll give you a hug instead of money. Every homeless crackhead needs a hug, you know? So I shocked the living hell out of this fellow and hugged and told him I hope he gets better and that he finds a meal tonight. And he asked me if he could finish my cigarette. I handed it to him and went inside with Mr. Bouncer.

He came over to where I sat down with my friends and told me I need to be careful- that these guys have scabies. I didn't notice any scabies on my crackhead friend, but I did appreciate the bouncer's concern, so I asked him if I should go to the hospital. He didn't think I'd need to do that, but recommended that I don't hug any more of these guys.

It's not like I go around hugging ALL of the homeless crackheads in the Bay Area. I mostly just high five them. Duh.

Stoopid week

My week started off badly. Sunday night/Monday morning will go down in the history books of Tabbie for all time as one of the top 10 strangest experiences of my life.

Drinking turns some people into completely psychotic dick noses. I'm not going to go into details here because it's too much to put into writing. Maybe someday when we're sharing our 3rd bottle of champagne (or cap classique) of the night, I'll tell you the story. By then, it will be light-hearted and I'll toss in all of the things that make me giggle about it. I'll leave out the parts where I was afraid for my safety and the part where I thought a friend of mine was for sure about to produce a monstrous amount of puke and/or get arrested in Nevada.

After that night, my week got worse. The drunky drunk friend let some information slip that shouldn't have gotten out. Another friend of mine got her feelings hurt. I hate to see my friends hurting.

HATE it.

But there was really not much I could do about this. So I just sent out a warning signal to the other people involved in the mess that there was, in fact, a mess. And I backed off.

Now, I'm not sure where to turn next. It's like my ability to process friendship information is broken. I love every one of the people involved in this icky mess, but they don't love each other.

People I love are being mean to each other. I HATE this.

Also, there's no goddamned clock on this computer screen. It's some kind of bullshit when I can't even use a computer screen to tell the goddammned time. Fuck you, screen.

Wait. It's not the screen's fault that I'm pissed. Still, I hate this stoopid, worthless screen.

Get Fucked

The above is the #1 most used phrase of the weekend. I don't think I've ever said it out loud, but I heard it mucho much from Friday to this morning.

We were in Vegas for my friend Jen's bachelorette party. "We" being my roommates and my Aussie friend. Jen had something like 10 ladies there from all of the different times in her life. Her sister hosted the weekend's events and we toasted and drank and toasted and drank...

I met Jen in high school. We were sophomores and she was already hanging out with all the college kids from the town just next to ours. We hit it off instantly and one of my first memories with her was being at a keg party and being driven home by one of her friends. Jen and I both ended up hanging our heads out the window to puke on the ride home. Gross.

Just a couple of years ago, Jen and I were on a pub crawl together. We were walking back to her place from the last bar we could reasonably stay awake at and she fell down in an alley. There was a garage full of guys watching football that opened to the alley and they all saw this happen. She was super worried about them all seeing her fall down, so she pulled me down on top of her when I went to help her up.

As I was screaming and giggling and trying to get up, she explained to me that she wanted them to think we were just rolling on the ground, making out. That she was totally down there on purpose. Oh... Jen.

So I guess we're used to being trashed wasted drunky tanked around each other. Which is why she handled me falling off a table at the dance club on Saturday night like it was no big deal. I mean, I didn't just fall one time at the club either. It was just once off a table. The next night, she wouldn't allow me to even say I fell. She insists she caught me every time. That I couldn't possibly have fallen with her there to catch me.

She's such a fun friend. I love the ones who are just going to be in my life forever and understand what I need to hear in order to feel okay about acting like a total jackass.

Costa Rica bound

@LAX. 1 Sapphire & tonic double down, 2 flights to go, 1 very cute boy met... :) :) :)
And off I go.

Just arrived in Houston. Walked outside & looked to see if I was standing near a large generator- what was causing this incredible heat? Nothing. It's nature. 6:30am and the heat is stifling. Incredible. Remind me not to go to Houston in the summertime. Ever.

After 3 or so hours of light sleep on the plane, I fear I will collapse somewhere around baggage claim and sleep through my connection. Will locate coffee to fight the urge of sleep.

And now, for pictures of South Africa

My host and favorite new friend, Marcia. She did not actually roll in the grass. Just rested like a proper lady.


Dear Patrick, It's winter. The water is freezing. Love, Tabbie.
Dear Tabbie, I don't care. The ocean calls me. Sincerely, Patrick.


Apparently, penguins bite. I did not verify this with a science-based approach, but I believed the warning signs.


I didn't notice how gorgeous this was until I saw it on the computer screen. Funny how that happens, huh? This is the beach in Simonstown, where the penguins are.


Some rules were not made to be broken.


Petting cheetahs is A-ok!


I stopped rolling around on the grass, laughing til I snorted, to snap this. Trees! Sky!


Lunch at a vineyard?- Yes, please. More wine, please.


Le Meems sent me on a mission to get a bottle of Cap Classique. And get it, I did.


Local wine from the cafeteria atop Table Mountain


The tippy top of a mountain and the sea from the tippy top of Table Mountain


End.

Countdown to chips and beer in 3...2...

I WANT TO GO NOW!

I'm finishing up my last few minutes of "work" before heading out to happy hour and trivia night at the Mexican place close to work.

I was supposed to either win or lose a bet today and probably buy the first round of silver bullets, but that fell through. The bet was on who was going to get into more trouble with our boss today: me or my co-worker. The one in less trouble had to buy drinks.

Thing is, neither of us got yelled or scowled at. Somehow, we pulled it off! YES!!! Our boss doesn't think we're fucking up! Ahhhh. Nice.

So I'll buy my own beer and eat chips and "slasa" and get smarter in order to play trivia against the other happy hour-ers.

4 minutes..... this has been the longest end of day ever.

3.... ugh. I can't wait!

Pain is just weakness leaving the body

I'm pretty bummed today.

I have this thing- this medical thing that's not letting me do whatever I want all the time. See because my bones break- for no apparent reason. One day, I'm fine. The next- I'm limping and wondering what the hell went wrong.

I get MRIs, X-Rays, Nuclear bone scans, bone density scans, and all kinds of lab tests. Same thing every time- I currently have a fractured toe (that I deserved- I jumped over a wall), a fractured hip, and just found out yesterday that my ankle is fractured too.

It was definitely sore, but I didn't realize it was broke. Dang, so just when I thought that I was getting all healed up from the hip fracture, this one hits me. I miss skipping and jumping on my trampoline (with panties, thanks.) and most of all, DANCING.

See- the rest I could live without. I wouldn't even particularly be upset about not being able to skip around if I could still dance. But no- my ankle/hip/toe will have none of that.

I keep thinking I'd be much better off if I could be bubble wrapped and rolled around... but that wouldn't help with the dancing.

Anyhow, since I'm feeling all down and mopey today, I've decided to drink a corona (and by "a", I mean "6") with a lemon and chill this evening, make some kick-ass, soon to be award-winning grilled cheese, and forget about my self-pity for a few hours.

Sound good?

Drunken reasoning

I take notes on my mobile phone when I want to be sure to remember something.

I just saw a note that made me shake my head and giggle. It's something my friend Valerie said one night recently when she noticed my boyfriend was no longer on the dance floor with us. She was well into her 7th or so drink of the evening.

She said: Where did he go? Did he have to poop? Cuz pooping is the only reason not to dance.

So true, Val. And so profound.

Spankings & Boxes

My roommate and I are getting ready to move to a new house on Saturday. We have had so many amazing gatherings at our current house that we felt like we couldn't leave without one last blowout all night party.
We decided that hosting a "bring you box and stuff it" party would be appropriate for our farewell. Lots of our loyal friends showed up with boxes for us and we made sure the drinks were flowing and the pizza was hot n ready. Like me.

Anywho, the day of the party, I started drinking at lunch time. My friend JP and I got a little trashed at lunch and at a local dive bar, searched for and finally found a liquor store selling Rumplemintz, and went back to my place for a nap.

After waking up in time to apply make-up, drunk dial my sister, and pick up the pizzas, JP and I started in on the Rumplemintz. Then people started showing up with liquor and bottles of champagne. Champagne is my party drink of choice, by the way. I must have drank (drunk?) a ton of the bubbly, because my memory got faded and I gave several lap dances and I guess there was a spanking contest, starring my ass. I do love the spankings and the dancing- just wish I could remember it more clearly.

I also pulled the drunk crying girl move more than once. I only recall doing it once, and then I went back to dancing and laughing and etc.

The coolest part of the party was where I got temporarily engaged to my ex boyfriend. He drew a ring on my finger and said it was like a promise ring until it washed off. Cheap bastard ;) So then we decided to be just boyfriend & girlfriend, which is super cool because we both know what we're getting into and we're okay with that.

The temporary fiancé and I weren't the only ones hooking up at the party. I won't name names, but I saw a couple of folks walking around in towels by the end of the night, on their way to a guest room. And I heard about some scandalous propositions given to my roomie & her boyfriend (soon to be my roomie too).

I can hardly contain my excitement for the next party- our housewarming. I don't think we've agreed on a theme yet, but it's got to rival the "bring your box" theme for sure.