Predictably not awesome

First days at new jobs are usually a drag.

Knowing this, I set my expectations low today. Glad I did. I think I paid $25 to park my car when the machine said it should have been $15. I came in to work and there were piles of stuff in and around my designated work space. Like- even a big blue plastic table where my chair should have been.

The project seems to be on an impossible timeline. That was definitely expected. If everything was fine, they wouldn't have needed me there. It's going to be an intense couple of months.

Yesterday, on my way to my last day at the old job, I hit a bird with my car's windshield. I thought of going back to see if it was rehabilitatable, but the pacific coast highway is a busy, fast road and I was pretty sure it saw a quick death when it collided with me at 60mph.

First night in my new place last night. My dog seems nervous, but he'll chill in a week or so.

Learning a new neighborhood and a new job at once... not awesome. But I'll make it work, a la Tim Gunn.

Funny haha or funny queer

The week after posting my last blog, someone called me an asshole and told me to suckit.

While this happens frequently, it's generally friends, so no big deal. This was not a friend, and it was completely serious. I had said something insensitive, in jest, and this person flew off the handle. When I saw her message, I was both shocked and incredibly amused. See because of my last post here. The timing was hilarious. The situation itself wasn't.

I, of course, apologized for being an asshole. That doesn't mean I think her response was acceptable or professional (we work together), but I had clearly hurt her feelings.

Isn't timing just funny sometimes?

As fate will have it

Sometimes in life, we reach a turning point.

It's a point in time when there are so many possibilities. So much opportunity. Twisting, winding paths. I'm there. At a turning point.

I was laid off from my super corporate basement cubicle job at a giant company last week. I was ELATED. As the vice president of my department was breaking the news to me in her office with the human resources guy there to explain the process and the severance package, I was stifling the urge to do cartwheels.

They were both shocked when I thanked them for this. This wonderful vacation. They're paying me 6 full months of salary plus a bonus just to get me out of their hair.

My department was dissolving because funding had been cut to a minimum for the project we were working on. All over the company, they are laying folks off and cutting costs. Everything had been moving at a snail's pace and I wanted out of there with a fiery passion. I got what I wanted and it was everything I could do not to squeal with delight when I started to pack up my office and wheel the boxes out.

Freedom. Sweet, delicious time.

But now. Now I have some decisions to make. What the hell am I going to do? I'm not worried about finding work. I have a usable skill set and a stable employment record. My resume looks good and I'll work on it to make it even better.

The decisions about which job to take aren't on the top of my mind. They are about where to go from here.

Vacation. What to do, what to do...

Cameltoe Adventure*

Tonight after work, I went to my student's (I tutor a 7 year old) t-ball game. I've never been to a t-ball game before. It's kind of odd, how they play.

Anyhow, that's not the primary subject here. Let's talk cameltoe and awkward moments, k?

I'm sitting on the bench, rooting for the kiddos, and look up to view the most incredible cameltoe I've ever seen. The lady is wearing tight purple jeans, walking past the bleachers toward the bathroom.

I immediately update my Facebook status to reflect what I've just witnessed and I begin to plan my photo-snap to capture the amazing sight. I mean- EPIC cameltoe. Can't pass up the chance to share this, I think.

She exits the bathroom, on the way back to her chair on the other side of the t-ball field, and I position my iPhone just-so... it looks like I'm either texting or snapping pics of the field.

Just as she passes in front of me, I click. AND SHE STOPS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME. SHE'S TALKING TO ME.

I think- ohfuckIjustgotcaughttakingpicsofhercameltoe.

But no- she asks: Do you work at (company I work at)?
Oh. Phew. I'm wearing a jacket with the company logo.
Yes, I say.
Oh! I work there too, she says. In (department that I know people in).
I say, so you work with (guy who runs her department)?
Yeah, she says. I'm his secretary.
Oh, I used to work with him...
uncomfortable pause....
Well, it's nice to meet you, I say.
She agrees and departs.

I release my breath and re-update my facebook status.
Mr. Grant Miller calls me a tease for not sharing the picture and Catherinette says she "likes this" status. My cousin laughs...

I looked at the picture with my student's mom and we realize the cameltoe was not captured, but you can see in the photo that she is coming directly AT me.

So here, I'm no tease and I totally planned on sharing this with y'all anyway. After all, you don't know her... Right?


*I can only imagine the kind of traffic that I'll get from keyword searches with a title like that.