sick burn

My friend The Brit and I were having a lovely lunch **today and discussing everything under the sun. One of these things was the fella I have a crush on.
The Brit (who is having a really bad hair day today!)has the perfect answer as to why the guy doesn't like me-
I'm like an old used car.
More specifically, like an old yellow Renault, and who would want to drive that?

I could do nothing but laugh my ass off.
What a great explanation.
Nobody wants an old broken-down used car.

**I originally posted this in March of 2008. Reading it now, I still laugh at my friend's viewpoint. I miss having lunch nearly every day with someone so honest- so incredibly unafraid of causing waves. My friend, the Brit, is not my biggest fan. However, he enjoys spending time with me and telling me his stories while he cringes through mine.

While I have many friends who believe that I am a good person and see that my intentions are generally positive, it is a great reality check to hear things like this on occasion. I think I need more of this. Less support of my current path from people who want the best for me.

I need to step back and take a look into what I'm doing from an untinted perspective. So, I'll be calling the Brit today to schedule a dinner for this week. I can't wait to hear what he's been up to as well. There is always some DRAMATIC story that he shares with me while he tells me Americans have no morals... like the time he dated his cousin and his uncle chased him out of the country with threats of murder.

This is off to a great start

I met this guy at a friend's wedding recently and we got along great. He made me laugh. He asked me to dinner the next week. Cool!

We had dinner, he KILLED me with laughter. I seriously had to stop laughing at one point because I was about to pee myself and that just wouldn't be ladylike.

He travels for work a lot and told me he was going on a trip to Lake Tahoe this week. Poor fella was sick with the flu over the weekend, so I sent him a text on my way home from work last night. And so began one of the strangest text conversations I've ever had.

Tabbie: Hope you're feeling better & enjoying your "work", funny man.

Him: Air is thin

(Tahoe is up in the mountains. Okayyy...?)

Tabbie: Yeah. Go to an oxygen bar. It makes a world of difference especially if you're drinking.

Him: My job promotes drinking yeah

Tabbie: Dude then take my advice & go breathe pure oxygen so u don't do a crappy job of drinking for work!

Him: Heart beats harder

(WTF)

Tabbie: That could just be all the excitement

Him: I like it warm

Tabbie: What?

Him: Altitude

Tabbie: U like warm altitude?

Him: I like it warm

Tabbie: Well, this is an odd conversation.

Him: Its the drinking abd altitude

Tabbie: Whoa drunk by 7. Good work!

Him: Good time

(so I thought that was the end, but at 12:54 am...)

Him: Oh

(so strange... right? I sent this one back at 5 this morning)

Tabbie: Random Oh in the night? Hmmm

(then at just past 7am)

Him: Pain

Tabbie: Drink some water take an aspirin and go back to sleep

Him: The best hangover remedy is sex

Tabbie: So have sex. Duh.

Him: Ya there are no soft women here, my profession still has a lot of males

Tabbie: Bummer. Maybe u should try to handle it urself

Him: I know. It is happy right now

Him: Say something dirty

Tabbie: R u still drunk?

Him: Yep

Him: Dirty birdy

Tabbie: Ah. That explains a lot. OMG.

Him: Sex is a good thingy

Tabbie: Ummmm yeah

Him: I think sex with you would be a good thingy, you look soft

Him: It would

Tabbie: Wow. U may want to consider sleeping this one off. Not that I disagree about sex with me being a good thingy.

Him: Sweet, I'm trying to but need to handle myself first

Tabbie: good luck

Him: Nice

(and several minutes later)

Him: Pain

Tabbie: You're repeating yourself, drunky.

Him: No, I was coming full circle

Tabbie: Oh

Him: Ya

He's joining me for a friend's birthday party on Friday night. I wonder if he's crazy or just REALLY REALLY wasted. Miss M, please give me a breakdown of what you think of him? Of course, he may get REALLY REALLY wasted at your party too and then we may never know.

Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down

Just before I took off for South Africa, I broke up with my boyfriend, the rocket scientist.

We had dated for something like a year and a half, took almost two years off, then tried dating again for about six months. It just wasn't there for us- we are polar opposites in almost every way imaginable. I party like it's 1999. I talk to EVERYONE all the time. I talk about traveling, then half-remember to pack a bag on the way out the door for a trip. I think the world is made up of people who mean well.

Just think of the opposite of all those things and you'll get an accurate picture of him. There is nothing wrong with him as a person, but completely wrong for me. We'll still be friends, but won't try the dating thing ever again. He's completely on board with this plan.

So now... I'm single. I don't think I'm very good at being single. Recently, I realized that I'm one of those girls who is ALWAYS dating someone(s).

But I'm taking a break. No intentional dating. No active online dating. No set-ups between friends. Nada. I'm just going to let love come and sweep me off my feet if it chooses to and let it pass me by otherwise.

I have no timetable. I have no obligation to anyone to be in a meaningful relationship with them. I'm going to enjoy this purposeful singlehood.

But I certainly won't turn down an offer of a kiss from a beautiful stranger on my next vacation. It would be criminal to do so, don't you think?

The face licker

I used to go out on a lot of dates.

There were periods of time where I would have 3 or 4 first dates per week. I was internet dating and I figure you just never know from some guy's profile what he'll be like in person, so I'd ask for a meeting if they seemed pretty okay.

One of these was the face licker.

We met at a restaurant near the Queen Mary in Long Beach. I saw him sitting at a table in the bar area, waved, and made my way over. He got up to pull my chair out for me. Well done, fellow.

After about 20 minutes of talking with the date, I came to the decision that he wasn't for me. He was a good boy. He had no history of partying too hard, no penchant for getting into trouble, no tattoos, nothing out of the ordinary.

Obviously, he was not my type.

After a couple of non-alcoholic drinks and an appetizer, I let him know that I had to get back to whatever I was doing for the day (nothing at all). He offered to walk me to my car and since it was a crowded lot in the middle of the day, I accepted. I generally wouldn't let a first date anywhere near me outside of a very public place.

We got to my car, I took out my keys and turned to thank him for meeting me and say goodbye (for good). He asked for a hug. Okay, harmless, right?

So we hug and then he does that thing when I was pulling away- that thing that guys do when they're about to kiss a girl after a hug. He held me at half an arm's distance and bent his head toward mine for a kiss.

I reacted quickly and turned my head to the side. It was all I could come up with on short notice. He, apparently, thinks pretty quickly as well.

When I turned my head, he continued his descent toward my face and landed on my cheek. And licked it.

He. Licked. My. Cheek.

A lot.

Gross.

So I backed away, said goodbye, drove out of the parking lot and to the nearest gas station to use the bathroom sink to wash that off.

That was just wrong.