Survival of the freakiest

Yesterday, the delightfully hilarious Dirt Princess and I returned from a several day camping trip in the desert.

This wasn't just any camping trip- we went to the Burning Man festival in Black Rock City (Nevada). It's a place where artists and creators of all sorts go to congregate and be free to exress themselves anually. Boy, do they ever know how to let loose.

More on the details later when I'm a bit more rested and not using my nearly dead iPhone to type with...

But I will say this: My third morning there, I woke up, walked down the sandy lane to the porta potty, and saw a scene that proved you can do whatever you want in Black Rock City.

An older man was standing in front of the bathrooms, naked, holding up his bicycle, blowing his nose.

I just giggled and did my business and decided that diving into the cultural experience was my best bet for survival out there.

dontdon't

Ok so my subject line refused to cooperate with me.

In other news, for the last several days, I was insanely nervous that I was going to produce a child very soon. I was 5 days late for my period. This morning, my dreams of late night feedings and complicated parental relationships were shattered.

I hate the whole monthly visitor process. For a few hours, I was sure that I was going to simultaneously hurl on the floor of Walmart while losing control of my bowels in my pretty new dress. Not a fun time at all. Then I took some delightfully generic Ibuprofen and moved along to a baby shower.

I'm exhausted. Oh, my little sister got married yesterday. She looked amazing. Her husband beamed the whole night. I cried like a baby during the toasts and danced with a high school friend of my dad's. My little brother got freaky on the dance floor with great gramma, who is 97. She's still got the moves.

Tomorrow, I leave for a camping trip in the desert. Ugh. It's gonna be hot. Hot hot hot.

I'm ehxausted. Did I say that already?

Edit: a lady just stopped to tell me she really likes my dress. So glad I didn't mess it up earlier today :)

This is Tabbie's brain.

This is Tabbie's brain on drugs.
Actually, I use mind-altering substances, but not right now. I am currently sober as a whistle. Clean- as a mop that hasn't been used yet.

Here's what's on my sober little mind right now:

I am addicted to horror movies and scary stories. I love freaking out while holding seances and playing Ouija. I have nightmares for weeks afterward and do it all over again. On my way to see a horror movie in a few minutes- it's no "Teen Wolf", but it should do.

Electronic cigarettes are pretty much the lamest thing ever. Besides nicotine gum.

I need better bras. I buy a lot of bras and am hardly ever happy with the look and feel of them. I have big, lovely boobs and they require more support than the cutesy bras at most stores can give them. I want cute, HUGE bras!

My dog is adorable. Very bad, but irresistably cute.

I wonder when I'm going to have to stop going to night clubs because I've become the creepy old broad getting her groove on. Maybe by the time that happens, there will be a night club near me that a bunch of other oldies go to as well. But will they know how to dance and get wickedly down on the dance floor?

Why would anyone want to date Bret Michaels? He wears more make-up than my trashiest cousin and he kisses chicks like he's sucking down spaghetti. The wide array of complete hookers he's been with is disgusting and he looks like a doofus with his do-rag and extensions.

I really like going camping in the summertime- to places with lots of shade, hot, private showers, and a fire pit. I want to go this year with someone who will put my tent up for me. And I want to have some peace and quiet and stare at the stars and drink far too much gin & tonic.

I have to go see that scary movie now. Eeek!