Paranoia is good

Sometimes, all I can do to stop myself from screaming out loud in imagined agony is to concentrate very hard on one thing.
I'm about to pair my fingernails with some ferocity.

It's been kind of a rough week to stop drinking. The countdown to the end of Lent is playing like a broken record in my head.
Me and Miss Ketel One are gonna get real cozy on Easter.

I stalked someone someone this weekend. My friend and I were in the local bar drinking non-alcoholic beers in glasses so no one could tell we weren't our usual selves. We got to talking about how I stalked a former lover online on Friday afternoon. So of course, that led to us deciding to stalk the next person to leave the bar...

It turns out that following someone in a car without being noticed is more difficult than it sounds in novels or when they show it on tv. The guy for sure knew he was being followed because I blew like at least 3 yellow lights. I pulled some tricky maneuvers when he turned into a residential neighborhood, so I guess he thought he was in the clear.

I totally know where that guy lives now.

It's weird. You just never know what other people are going to do. You could have someone watching you right this second. Creepy.

Manic panic

Fuck you is how I'm feeling today.
Also a little bit of shut up and get out of my face.
I thought shopping would help but I was in such a state already that I nearly elbowed a dude in the stomach area.
Just yesterday, I reminded myself that I've got nothing to be unhappy about.
NOTHING.
But my mood does not agree.

P.S. Hi again.

love or nothing like it

It's been great being single for awhile. But I'm thinking it might be time to start the search for a real boyfriend again. Not that I'm any good at being a girlfriend. I'm so into hanging out with my friends that it seems like too much to add a boyfriend to the mix.

But I like having a boyfriend. Holding hands and laughing at inside jokes. But then again- I have my friends for that already. I wonder if a friend of mine would raise children with me and take out the trash. I'll have to look into that.

For now, I was thinking about digging through the internets to find a boyfriend. But then, I'd actually have to be interested in being a girlfriend. Ugh.

Wait. I just asked a friend to get married and have babies. And asked him to take out the trash. Think texting this is too impersonal? Whatever. It's how I roll. Wonder if he'll say yes. So far, he has flat-out refused to be my boyfriend... But I usually ask just after he points out everything that's clearly wrong with me.

Hmm. He responded that he's going to ride the single wave for awhile. Then, I called him a dick. See- we're already fighting like a couple. This has GOOD IDEA written all over it.

thisiskindaboring

I’m taking a much-needed break from work for a few minutes to reflect. At the end of March, I took a ½ day off from my last consulting position to drive up to the Bay Area so I could start a new consulting job the next day. The people who interviewed me over the phone for this position let me know the project was… in trouble.

Typical. I love the problem-child projects. Anyway, I set their expectations pretty low on how much my involvement would help at such a late stage in the process. And then I jumped in, knowing exactly what I was getting into.

Ha. This job has been hard. Pretty much the toughest project I’ve worked on in my career. But I really did know that I would be challenging myself to do the impossible this time. We just launched a software tool to the company last week and it hasn’t blown up yet. Good sign. Very good.

I was just looking over what I need to do so I can transfer my work back to the project team at the end of next week before I get outta here and I laughed out loud. Like lol, laughing, you know?

I wrote detailed training materials for a system I’ve never used. I put presentations together, detailing processes as they used to be and as they will be in the future. For processes that I have never been a part of and don’t quite understand. I managed to track down and communicate with over a thousand staff members in 12 time zones, many the project team didn’t even know existed. I wrote 3 nice things about everyone who helped with the project, never having met 80% of them.

Today, I took a walking tour of some ghetto neighborhood in search of helium balloons and streamers. I found balloons (no helium), streamers, every strip club in San Francisco, and a club dedicated to Jack Kerouac. Then, I partied (well, had lunch with) the CIO.

I should have some down time after next week. I think my next job is starting the second week of June. Maybe I’ll take my tent and sleeping bag and my dog out to the river and camp for awhile. Also, a banjo. Yeah. Definitely need a banjo.

Bad blood

I used to donate my blood to both the red cross and united blood services regularly. Now they call me about once every two weeks, asking if I'd like to save 2 lives with just one donation. My blood is quite handy because it doesn't have some harmful virus that can kill babies or something. A lot of adults have this virus- it's totally benign to grownups, so you likely wouldn't even know if you were infected.

Anyway. I've never had it, so they're after me all the time to go give up a pint. It gets kind of old to keep turning them down lately with my poor excuses- nope, sorry, just got another tattoo. Have to wait a year. Woops, just went to a malaria area. Have to wait a year. Yikes sorry, I'm just plain defective and may pass this on to someone I'm supposed to be helping.

So when the red cross fella asked me just now if I could donate, I told him I'm not able to donate anymore. Which was easier than going into why. If you've ever donated blood, you know they ask a million personal questions: have you ever shot up drugs? Ever slept with a hooker? Ever been paid for sex? I wonder which he thought I'd done.

At any rate, no more blood donations for now from me. Hopefully you, reader, can go donate. It really does save lives. Plus, free cookies and juice!!!

Typical Tuesday night

I went home to a house full of ladies last night. 10? 8? Something like that. Counting is hard.

They were all in the war room, discussing. Getting excited about... things. Planning and learning to use chop sticks. I dropped a couple bottles of wine on the table and tried (and failed) not to distract anyone from their meeting.

Later, most everyone had gone to wherever ladies go when they leave our home. There were four of us left. Drinking, smoking too many cigarettes, laughing, sharing stories. We were on the back porch and someone in the apartment complex next door shooshed us.

It was kind of a loud shoosh. Then, the neighbor from just upstairs came near his window and I asked if we were being too noisy - he said we weren't. Cool, so we kept chatting, giggling.

And then. Regis (my pup) went apeshit and ran toward the front door. Which means that either someone was knocking or he thought someone was within a block of our home. My roommate went to see who was there while the rest of us remained on the porch.

She was gone for a few minutes and honestly, I forgot about the possible late night visitor. Until I walked into the kitchen and caught a glimpse of my roommate holding Regis and talking to a gorgeous man at the door. A police kind of man.

Someone called the cops on us for being too noisy. Likely the shoosher.

I sat my glass of wine down and went to investigate at the door. My roommate was just asking Officer Hotness what time it was (noise curfew?). He answered 11:30pm. Pretty serious. Of course, they had already confirmed that there were only 4 people present and that he couldn't hear a thing when he walked up. But he's bound by duty to investigate a call.

I am bound by nature to ask him if he has a girlfriend. And then (un)kindly mention that I don't want to talk to him anymore when he says he does. We - all four of us girls and O.H. chatted about our project and planning, he told us about his sister, and he pet Regis.

So thank you, crankypants shoosher. Made my night much more rad.

A whole new world

The Bay Area is... RAD.
Yes, rad is pretty much perfect for this place.
I was outside during lunch today and saw a nice looking man wearing jeans that were so tight around his manparts area that it almost looked like he had a cameltoe.
The jeans were white.

I started dating a really super cute dude about a week after I got here. Oh yeah- broke up with my last boyfriend after we went steady for about 2 months. Long term relationships are but a speck in my memory...

So this new guy- 3 dates so far. I'm digging it, but he's kind of young and I'm not counting on it to last very long. But I kinda hope it does. We'll see.

I became a fan of the San Francisco Giants (baseball) last night, on the recommendation of a bartender at a trendy new place in Oakland. He converted me simply by telling me how gorgeous their stadium is. Opening day for the season is today, so I'll have to see about getting tickets for a game soon.

I've been riding public transportation to work and walking a shit ton more than I'm used to. Every morning when I come up from the train station into the city, my heart does a little sparkly backflip.

My first few days here were kind of treacherous with driving. I get lost a lot and didn't know my way around. Ran a red light and got one of those picture tickets in the mail. Bastards. It was totally red though. And I was that asshole trying to figure out which way to go. Dang.

I haven't developed any new bad habits and I've only blacked out from drinking once since I've been here. NOT bad, considering I've been here for 16 days. Haha.